How healthy is your relationship?

How healthy is your relationship?Have you ever stopped and thought about the health of your relationship? When did your relationship last have a checkup?

This, like a medical, should be done on a regular basis. Couples who are aware of how they are getting along stay more in tune with one another and can react early if problems arise.

NEGLECT IS THE SILENT KILLER. Remember, your relationship must be fed, it must be nurtured. A couple cannot stay on course in their life together without constant reference to one another. Without these check-ups, one partner may take a different turn, may stray off course without the other realising it. So reach out every now and then, get back in touch and be sure that you are both going in the same direction.

Look at your life with your partner. How long have you been together? Are you happy with the way you relate to one another? Is there anything you would like to change in your relationship? Often we have wishes and hopes regarding our relationship, but these remain unspoken.

“If my partner really loved me he/she would know how I feel.”

How realistic or fair is this comment? We expect our partner to know our thoughts without having to express them ourselves.  Yes, telepathy works sometimes but in reality most of us find it difficult to guess the hidden thoughts of another. And hidden they are.

Very often we camouflage our feelings and desires, which is even more confusing for our partner! We bottle up our frustration at not being understood until it erupts in an angry outburst provoked by something quite insignificant and trivial. Our partner reacts to the outburst, and will naturally be on the defensive since he/she has no insight into the true cause of such anger. The most probable result is an escalation of tension. Resolution is now even more remote.

This game where only one of the players knows the rules, can be quite destructive in a relationship. Yet it is frequently played out between couples. Why?

Let’s get back to the quotation above. The expectation of one partner is that true love means complete understanding of the other person. But which of us can say that we truly know another? Which of us can say that we truly know ourselves?

If we love our partner, of course we want to know him/her as completely as possible. But that does not give us complete insight. After all, we ourselves keep changing, evolving with our life experiences. So does our partner.

Hence the importance of a regular check-up. Once we establish a pattern of communication which is open, frank and fair, we can then address the core issues as we perceive them and keep our relationship on track.

The Three T-s Checkup

There are three areas which are barometers of relationship problems:

  • TIME


If you and your partner communicate well, you will find that you make the time to talk about the things that matter in your relationship. If you do not talk to your partner about how things are going, a gulf between you starts to develop. It is inevitable. Each of you keeps your thoughts to yourself. Feelings left unspoken can build up resentment. You no longer feel close to your partner.

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It is surprising how easily couples can fall out of the habit of touching each other! This usually happens very gradually. Maybe your sex life is not going well. This can have a knock-on effect on all forms of intimacy.  Maybe one of you feels embarrassed to be seen kissing or cuddling by your children, especially if they are teenagers. Once non-touching has been established between a couple it can seem very difficult to get back to where you were. It suddenly feels awkward to kiss or hug each other. Even holding hands can seem artificial. You have lost touch.

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If everything else in your life takes precedence over time with your partner, then you have to sit up and take note! Your relationship needs time. Your relationship deserves time. Don’t waste time waiting for the right time! Because the right time usually does not just present itself. It has to be organised! You and your partner are in charge of your relationship. It is up to you to give it the time it requires. Think back to when you first started dating. How much time did you spend together then?

You need to re-examine your life priorities. Learn how to improve the relationship with your partner and save your marriage.